End of the Rope - Mountains, Marriage and Motherhood

There's a lot to learn about, cheer for, and feel sadness over in Jan Redford's memoir End of the Rope.

Jan begins sharing with us the start of her feminism. She was stronger and better at building than her uncles. She wanted her father's life, not her mother's: She wanted to be an adventurer, not marry one. She didn't want to help her mom, but be with her dad. Jan shares many anecdotes from her youth, like going down the boys slide, and how she flexed like a muscle man after rock climbing when her siblings found her. Even her backpack named Beast was a he. Her need throughout is to lead a climb, not follow.

Jan felt she was a perfect example of "the 'Cinderella complex', the absolute worst feminist walking the earth." She wanted the men she was with to look out for her on their outdoor adventures.

The struggle of wanting men to save you, I get. It's the fantasy of wanting them (men) to want to save you.

She mentions the Harlequin romance bodice ripping image, the "bad boys" she was drawn to. Again, something I'm sure many of us women can relate to.

I learned so much about the mind of outdoor adventurers, aka adrenaline junkies, risk takers and thrill seekers. A big takeaway was many have a life wish, not a death wish. Her boyfriend Dan who died tragically at least lived doing what he loved. When I think of my climber cousin Matt Westlake who also lives in Alberta, that makes sense to me, as he's such a positive life loving person.

The most difficult chapter was Pink Wedding Dress. Reading about the red flags with Grant left me with a sinking sadness for her. You can visualize the conversation when Jan many years later told her sister it (the problems between them) was the house, and her sister responded softly it's not the house. 

She told herself many things but the truth, like maybe she didn't need a degree, but to be more committed to the marriage.

It was refreshing to read her realistic feelings about motherhood & her failing marriage. She wasn't all ga-ga about being pregnant again, she even made a pros & cons list about having another baby. She's very brave to write those truths. Her envy about her husband's climbs was loud and clear. She often mentioned his physique & resented her mom bod.

Jan had complicated feelings towards her dad, which is a shared experience for many of us. Love filled hate she called it. Great insight into her feelings about her dad. She even says she married her dad. And I can't believe her father apologized to her!

Jan Redford got down to the gritty truth in her memoir, and wasn't interested in painting a perfect pretty picture. Life is full of highs and lows, and End of the Rope represents that. 

I'll be watching this movie for sure (because it's definitely movie material).  

I received End of the Rope in a GoodReads giveaway. 

Until next time,

Kara  

Anti cancer Living

"It is not fair for those of us who don't yet have cancer not to realize that our lifestyle choices influence our quality of life today and our risk of disease in the future." 
This for me was a perfect reason to read this book and adopt a healthier lifestyle. Prevention is within our ability. 

To tell the truth, much of Anti cancer Living felt like doom & gloom. With the exception of the cancer survivor stories, I didn't want to read so much (almost 400 pages!) negativity. But it's important to be informed, not stand back & think you can't do anything for your future. There is a lot of useful information and healthy lifestyle suggestions that we all should be putting into practice.

The married co authors Dr. Lorenzo Cohen and Alison Jefferies give us results of very in depth analysis and research into cancer and living healthily with the disease, in Anti cancer Living.  The "Mix of Six" is a prescriptive plan to prevent cancer, and thrive after a cancer diagnosis. 
Social support, stress, sleep, exercise, diet, and the environment are the six factors that play a major role in developing cancer, and improving your life with cancer.

We all have known for decades that smoking causes cancer, but it's news to many I'm sure the role sleep and social support plays in preventing this disease.  I know a few people who've recently gone through chemo and surgery. I was surprised, as they were, to learn they had cancer, because diet and exercise (obesity) and alcohol & smoking (carcinogens) weren't the causes. But then you realize the stress in their lives has taken its ugly toll.  

For those who don't exercise regularly, Cohen tells us how he gets a lot of activity by incorporating regular movement into his day. Things like parking further away from stores, taking the stairs, walking after dinner, using a standing desk, a recumbent bike, and even having walking meetings. All this disguised exercise adds up.

I now understand the importance of organic. I used to believe the organic industry was just hyped up overpriced foods and products. You know, hipsters posting on social media about the latest & greatest (expensive!) food trend at Whole Foods. But after reading this book, I understand that everything should be organic. 
Troubling things: 
Reading about almonds was a shocker. For 10 years, most almonds sold in the US are said to be treated with propylene oxide gas, a known carcinogen.  
Also, cash register receipts have bisphenol A or BPA, an endocrine disruptor. 

Honestly, I did feel hopelessness reading the food and chemicals in products chapters. Fortunately, there are still foods we can eat. Broccoli is still safe, whew! I've introduced turmeric into my meals, and am glad to hear kimchi and miso are on the Anti cancer diet.  Even coffee, through research, is said to have strong antioxidant effects, and studies have shown it promoted the death of cancer cells. 

In the past, I couldn't get into traditional meditation - being completely still and not thinking for 20 minutes never worked for me. But I've been practicing the examples of mindfulness and compassion/loving kindness meditation, which are right up my alley.  

It is overwhelming to think of all we have to do to eliminate these threats, and rid our lifestyles and homes of toxins. So the section guide to detoxify your household environment is useful in helping us tackle it room by room. Besides diet, it outlines how to have a chemical free home, filter your water, and reduce the toxins you put on your body. 

When I finished Anti cancer Living, I did feel some of that hysteria they wrote about, as in, there's too much to eliminate! But after some time, that sense of sickening urgency mostly left, and I like knowing there is a lot I can to to prevent this, and other diseases. My conclusion is I like having some control over my own health, and ultimately, future. 

I received Anti cancer Living  in a GoodReads giveaway. 

Until next time,


Kara  

Beneath a Ruthless Sun

Beneath a Ruthless Sun by 2013 Pulitzer Prize winner author Gilbert King is a crime thriller that grabbed me from the get-go. 

You've got a racist sheriff and deputies; a mentally impaired teenager who is sent to a state hospital for the insane; and a female investigative journalist who just wouldn't quit trying to uncover the true story. 

In 1957 Lake County Florida, in a small town of citrus groves, Blanche Knowles, the wife of a powerful citrus grower is raped by a negro, she said. Deputies raced to the shacks where all the black men lived who worked on an orange grove, and brought them in for questioning. Why a white nineteen year old spends 14 years in the notorious Chatthoochee for this crime is an incredible atrocity in this story. 

With an IQ  between 25-55, Jesse Daniels was diagnosed as an "imbecile" by the Florida Farm Colony for Epileptic and Feeble-Minded Persons in Gainesville in 1956. King depicts how sheriff Willis McCall goes after him and coerces him to confess to a rape he didn't commit.  

Beneath a Ruthless Sun reveals the ugly, shameful racist and legal injustice history of central Florida. This true story made me question whether these injustices are really that far back in past? This is the stuff of movies. 

I received Beneath a Ruthless Sun in a GoodReads giveaway. 

Until next time,


Kara 

The Bad Daughter

I love it when a book keeps me interested from the start, and The Bad Daughter luckily was one of those. It was hard to put down. 
This was really my type of story: it had drama, crime and family issues. 

Robin reluctantly returns to her tiny hometown at the disturbing news of a violent home invasion her father & his new young family went through. 
Two siblings got out of Dodge, and one remained. There's a quiet teenager who sneaks off in the night, a creepy friend, and even a lurking sheriff. 
Like most therapists, Robin needs one herself. Her estrangement from her father and former best friend is a curiosity. 
Melanie presents as a defensive, reactionary, bitter and proud. I couldn't help but wonder when Robin would grow a pair, and what will crack Melanie's hard shell. 

Something that stood out for me was the interesting observation Robin made about her sister Melanie: "having a son with autism only increased (her) anger. At the world in general."  
When Robin's man Blake first called her and didn't say he wants to come & be with her, Robin thought "stop asking what I want and figure out what I need." Rather passive aggressive, am I right ladies? 

Like any novel that has so much tension between the characters, I did feel uncomfortable and hoped for things to become settled in a happy ending. 
Joy Fielding's writing style is easy breezy. I'd be curious to read some of her other novels. 

I received The Bad Daughter in a GoodReads giveaway. 

Until next time,

Kara

Shadow Child

Shadow Child by Rahna Reiko Rizzuto is an intriguing story of troubled Japanese Hawaiian twin sisters who share one nickname, Koko.
Their fascinating heartbreaking stories go back and forth from Hawaii to New York, to their mother Lilian's life in Japan. 

Hana & Kei are both melancholy, complicated girls. Theirs is a sisterhood based on competition for their mother's approval, and misunderstandings from incidents throughout their childhood. 

Lilian's story is full of drama, turmoil and torture. I rooted for her to return to the US, but then she isolated herself and was bedridden in Hawaii due to her Hiroshima experience. 

Something of interesting note for me was how Hana painted her mom's bomb attack, then also used it to paint Kei's attacker. 

I liked author Rizzuto's description of path takers vs grass walkers. "I kept my eyes on my classmates: the snakes of kids who slipped obediently along the walkways; the odd ones who struck out on their own. I was a path taker, and it seemed like most of the other kids were too, even though the ones who set off across the grass got where they were going faster."  This is a great way of explaining the different rule follower or rebel personalities. 

The not surprising, long overdue ending brings all the years of suffering to a close. 

I received Shadow Child in a GoodReads giveaway. 

Until next time,

Kara

The Mars Room

Female prisons are the trendy curiosity with series like Orange is the New Black and Wentworth being so popular. There's no shortage of drama and violence in those series, but fortunately The Mars Room wasn't about that, it's about the characters. It's far more interesting to learn how someone ends up in prison, and this is what author Rachel Kushner does in The Mars Room. 

Hardened double lifer Romy Hall is given a perceptive, sharp thinking, creative voice. 
She reflects on her years stripping: "These men dimmed my glow. Made me numb to touch, and angry. I gave, and got nothing in exchange, but it was never enough. I extracted from the wallets - which was how I thought of the men, as walking wallets - as much as I possibly could. The knowledge that it was not a fair exchange coated me in a certain film. Something brewed in me over the years I worked in the Mars Room, sitting on laps, deep into this flawed exchange. This thing in me brewed and foamed. And when I directed it - a decision that was never made; instead, instincts took over - that was it." 

She calls out double standards: "Did you ever notice that women can seem common while men never do? You won't hear anyone describe a man's appearance as common. The common man means the average man, a typical man, a decent hardworking person of modest dreams and resources. A common woman is a woman who looks cheap. A woman who looks cheap doesn't have to be respected, and so she has a certain value, a certain cheap value."  

Her calculated approach when she wanted something from a guard: "But when I saw Hauser, something flipped in me, a switch. I called out a friendly hello. You don't decide to intentionally alter your tone of voice. It happens automatically. Needs ate the gearbox of the voice. Needs shift approach, adjust tone to something higher, more sympathetic. It wasn't calculated, but everything had changed for me since I'd seen him last." 

Romy accurately stereotypes public defenders & prosecutors. Public defenders, who arrive late to court with loose papers, have bad posture & hair, ill-fitting suits, wide ties and scuffed shoes. The prosecutors meanwhile, are rich, well rested Republicans, she notes. 

About a plumber who was persistent about trying to get with her, her view is pessimistic and realistic. She said she didn't want to be "subjected to his happiness, which seemed to be based on nothing, a thin layer of good cheer stretched over emptiness."  

I enjoyed reading Romy reminisce about her childhood, and her thoughts on "where it all began." She's certainly a fascinating character, and her intelligent observations are not quite what I expected at first, and I couldn't wait to hear what happens next. Which makes for an ideal protagonist. 

I received The Mars Room in a GoodReads giveaway. 

Until next time,

Kara 

Big Potential

Happiness author Shawn Achor is at it again, letting us know how transforming the pursuit of success raises our achievement, happiness, and well-being.
Achor starts his case of how teamwork leads to success by pointing out examples of anti-teamwork. Toddlers are praised for doing things by them self - and so it begins. Children are reminded that their future success depends on individual grades and test scores. The problem is, kids who test so well struggle to work with others, Achor says. At the workplace, we value what we accomplish on our own.
"We spend the first twenty-two years of our life being judged and praised for individual attributes and what we can achieve alone, when, for the rest of our life, our success is almost entirely interconnected with that of others" points out Achor. 
Achor says this emphasis on individual achievement is due to "the rise of technology and social media (which) allow us to broadcast individual accomplishments 24/7, constantly feeding competition while simultaneously stoking insecurity." Also the competition schools and companies put on us as a way of measuring higher success by individual accomplishments.

Big Potential's message is that we achieve our highest potential not by survival of the fittest, but survival of the best fit.
Happiness is an interconnected choice, not just an individual one. Our potential is interconnected with others. Small potential is limited success you achieve alone, whereas big potential is the success you can achieve in a virtuous cycle with others.
Achor asserts that research proves this in a variety of ways:

• A study of male lightening bugs lighting up in unison to attract more females. When they light up randomly, their success rate is just 3%. When done together, it's 82%. 
• The 1948 Framington Heart Study on cardiovascular health and social connections finding that healthy people in a network increase the chance of others being healthy. 
• He reminds us of when Aristotle's famous quote "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." 
• Edison worked with a team of collaborator inventors.                                                                

Achor's Virtuous Cycle is every success achieved gives you more resources, which leads to greater success. To create Virtuous Cycles of potential, you need to plant SEEDS which are surround, expand, enhance, defend and sustain.
His chapters on these SEEDS with practical ways to apply them, and personal anecdotes make for an interesting read.
Big Potential's message of working together, not alone, to achieve success, is really such a basic idea at the core. "Big potential is about gaining a competitive advantage not by limiting others' success rates, but by raising them." So in other words, be more social, less self-centered, and work with others to achieve success, which ultimately is happiness. 

I received Big Potential in a GoodReads giveaway. 

Until next time,

Kara